Woman Blames Hitler for Her Massive Booze Binges

“Watching documentaries drove me over the drink limit,” claims woman in her late forties.

Hitler still causing carnage from beyond the grave.

HISTORY—Michelle from England was once a normal teetotal divorcee, but after subscribing to a SKY package she found herself drinking until the early hours as she watched black and white footage of Hitler and his Nazi regime.

She told Dafty News as she recovered from an incredible hangover: “It was all those tanks rolling over rubble in the streets of Paris. That was it for me.”

Every time she saw an explosion where buildings dustily tumbled to the ground, the woman confessed to reaching for anything that had a %vol sign on the bottle.

She continued: “Hitler not only caused carnage and turmoil in Europe but the bastard also gave me a drinking problem. Thanks to him I am completely out of my face from the minute I get up until I crawl my way into bed again.”

Watching Hitler at 2am can cause alcoholism, claims experts.

It has also emerged experts have revealed Hitler could be responsible for turning half the nation into boring sods with a series of pathetic disorders and a desire to be unemployed so they can stay up late to watch him.

Professor Herbert Gravestein said: “Anyone who watches documentaries are normally sad, lonely, and in need of a life. As you can see, this type of frail weakness can lead to problems such as drink and ailments.”

The professor recommends anyone who wishes to stay up late can watch more healthier programmes than Hitler documentaries.

He said: “You can watch porn, gamble, or buy a plastic hedge-cutter invention that is so bad they are not even allowed to sell on the High Street.”

 

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