HEALTH guru has revealed the stunning secrets to an unhealthy lifestyle in a blueprint designed to put everyone at ease and give them that much-needed reassurance that everything will be fine, as long as you don’t look after yourself.
- Add inches the easy way
- Take sugar in everything - even on your pizza and chips
- Drink at least 8-pints of beer each day
- Do NOT take part in any forms of exercise whatsoever
- Sleep long hours - then repeat the process at night
- Watch loads of TV whilst munching on heavy saturated artery-choking foodstuffs
The guru, hailed a hero by everyone who is clearly overweight and dicing with Type 2 diabetes and heart failure, told Dafty News about his breakthrough:
“I discovered this amazing diet after timing how long and learning how difficult it is to lose weight. Then it hit me. If we could do the exact opposite we’d get quicker results only in reverse. And, since it’s a lot easier to put weight on than take weight off; I believe this plan will work so much better.”
The guru says most people will start to see results in the first day of his 8000-calorie super diet.
He continued: “Stuff as much crap into your face very early in the day and I will guarantee you will begin to feel bloated, disgusting, depressed and worthless.
“By the end of the day you will begin to feel that overwhelming sense of sheer and utter self-humiliation. This is your mind and body telling you the 8000-calorie plan is working. Just add more junk each day until you feel complete shame.
“Once you get to the self-loathing stage and your health deteriorates, you are well on your way to achieving that dream plus-size where you can’t fit through doorways anymore.”