Valentine’s Day Banned as it May Offend Ugly Single People

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS took a new twist this morning after a campaign won a legal battle to ban the popular traditional Valentine’s Day - in case it offends ugly and single people.

The campaign, led by a group thought to be behind the banning of the word Christmas around non-Christians, made this statement outside the Court of Banning Everything and Anything:

“It’s been a long hard battle but finally the courts met sense. This is great news for all those who struggle to find a partner due to many reasons; the main one being they are too ugly or have a range of personality issues that make it easy to warden off would-be lovers.”

Meanwhile many celebrated the ban, including one woman who spoke to our reporters: “I am delighted with the result. I am fat, sweaty, smelly and my house stinks of cat litter - even though I don’t own a cat - and I am sick of women in my workplace who receive flowers and gifts and have the audacity to put them all over their office desk. Show-off fuckers!”

It is understood the court also received an application to ban anyone who posts mommy boasting posts on Facebook that include their children’s achievements, but the courts threw it out due to their not being enough evidence…of any child who has ever achieved anything at all.

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