UKIP to Exclude ‘Ayrian Types’ From Party Executive

In a surprise move last night, Nigel Farage, leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), announced that anyone “with an Ayrian look about them” will be barred from joining the party executive, and also from appearing in party political broadcasts in the run-up to elections.

Speaking to reporters from outside his newly-rented, one-bedroom flat in Brixton, South London, Mr Farage said.

“We are quite frankly sick to death of being accused of being closet racists with a chip on our shoulders when it comes to the blacks, Jews, Eastern Europeans and immigrants in general. I have therefore made a recommendation to senior colleagues that we exclude anyone with an Ayrian look about them from serving the party in an executive or public relations-connected role.

“Furthermore, any person or persons with a background connected to white supremacy or neo-Nazism will have all the windows in their home or shop premises smashed by a baying mob of ethnically diverse, party rank and file during the night.

“I’m absolutely determined to stamp out this totally spurious image of UKIP as the party of The Little Englander and the swivel-eyed racist; and if that means recruiting a few sooties from Bongo Bongo Land to achieve it, then so be it”

Mr Farage then went back inside explaining that he’d left a “whole heap of curry goat with rice and peas” boiling on the stove in a Dutch Pot.

 

 

 

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