UKIP to Commemorate Humiliating Defeat by Launching 99p Coin

ELECTION DAY FUCK UP—After the humiliating and humbling battering of the UKIP party and Nigel Farage’s departure as leader, remaining members plan to pick up the pieces by launching a special edition 99p coin to mark the party’s spirited but useless effort to rule Britannia.

By Jacqueline Stewart and Stephen Hamilton

The 99p coin, which costs £1 to make, will have a print of 298,000 to reflect the amount of immigrants who have come to the UK (according to Migration Watch).

Spokesperson for the coin manufacturers say the coins will be based on the Euro coin but will be a lot more shiney.

Boss at the coin factory said immediately after the election results: “We have a request from UKIP who insist the coins must be individually polished by each immigrant.”

Dafty News understands UKIP want to make every single immigrant earn their coin by buffing the little fucker up with an English tea towel made from good honest British textile.

The 99p coin will be available at all UKIP’s 98p stores.

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