Tunnock’s To Sell Deep-fried Caramel Wafers In A Bid To Please Nationalists

SCOTS biscuit producer Tunnock’s have back-tracked on a British-style marketing campaign after being accused by Scots of turning their backs on the tiny angry nation, it has emerged.

The famous and much-loved teacake makers decided dropping the lion rampant from their packaging in a bid to become a market favourite in England is not such a good idea after all, after Scottish social media outlets overdosed in furious nationalistic pride.

Close aide to Tunnock’s said in a statement earlier today:

“Obviously trying to broaden your horizons and business opportunities in a country like England doesn’t suit certain people in Scotland. We tried but according to lots of little ignorant and small-minded morons we were ‘out of order’ and ‘turning intae wan o’ them’.”

Tunnock’s finally agreed to cave into nationalists’ demands after announcing they will start producing their Scottish specialty Deep-fried Caramel Wafers.

Our Tunnock’s close aide said there were more plans to unleash products to stay in line with Scottish demands but refused to divulge in the exact details, preferring to hint at the prospects of a mouth-watering Buckfast Tonic Teacake and a haggis flavoured tartan-wearing Proclaimer singing, “They may take our freedom but they will never take away our marshmallows.”

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By Paul McDougall and Stephen Hamilton




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