TOP TEN Things to Hate About Facebook

Top Ten Things to Hate About Facebook

1. Share if you love your kids. This really irritates the hell out of me. Okay, you love your kids, we get it but don’t you know that other people with kids will probably love them anyway so why the fuck share such meaningless posts? You can get my attention when you post something like: Share if you don’t love your kids. A post like that would certainly draw attention.

2. Holiday snaps should be banned to anyone and everyone who is not actually in the photo. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is remotely fucking interested in looking at your sunburnt ankles. Most people are eating when they are on Facebook anyway and you just put them off their cake and crisps.

3. Posting couple stuff on your wall should earn you both two years’ hard labour in a Guatemalan jail. We, and I mean we as in all of us, don’t really give a fuck how much you love husband or wife. Your couple post would be more attractive if you were to announce you just buried your spouse alive and apply a Google Map link to it’s destination. Sex sells but gruesome arouses more curiosity.

4. We are really not concerned what you are watching right now on TV. You must be a sad arsehole if you are watching TV and you are posting a fucking running commentary of it on Facebook.

5. We all know what a cup of coffee looks like, we don’t need to see what you have just ordered in a coffee shop. If a fight breaks out or a live armed robbery is happening in that particular shop then by all means switch your phone to video mode and let us know about it. You might get more likes on your post then.

Facebook, to me, is a giant social network site for those with personality disorders

6. Stop posting useless images and videos of your kids and grandkids. If we want to see a kid in a high-chair having leg and arm spasms of excitement to Florence & The Machine (which you post as cute baby dancing) with a mouthful of Farley’s Rusk and a bib full of puke we can always go to You Tube for that.

7. Don’t invite me to be your friend unless you really know me in the real world. I will not open your request notification because it doesn’t give me the option I want to click. Confirm or Not Now is not what I want to say. When Facebook includes an option of Fuck off then I might open up your request but I think you already know my answer.

8. Do not, under any circumstances, mention me in a fucking post. You and I both know it is only to get my attention and to get me to post a reply or hit your like button. If you are complimenting me and I like my own compliment I must be a right prick. Do not include me in your Facebook world.

9. Announcing to the world about your small and irrelevant activities is not on, buddy. We don’t care if you are in a taxi heading into town to meet your mates. Nobody really cares about your dress choice dilemma. Many pretend to care but we don’t. Pick a dress, wear the fucker, go to your night out and keep it to yourself. If you end up at an orgy afterwards and you can provide us with explicit video footage then by all means do post and share – especially to my wall.

10. Asking your Facebook friends for a plumber recommendation is stupid. What plumber in Winsconsin is going to fly to the UK to fix your leaky sink?

6 Responses to TOP TEN Things to Hate About Facebook

  1. Blackhack Reply

    May 10, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    You forgot…..

    Share this…I know my real friends will….
    and
    Have you the guts to re-post this..??

    I’m not stupid enough to be a “Real” friend
    And I won’t be blackmailed into re-posting your original crap post….

    These people should be removed from the gene pool.

    • Dafty Ed Reply

      May 10, 2013 at 4:53 pm

      Hahaha, yes, indeed Blackhack. Forgot to include this one. Hey, there are so many of them we could fill an entire encyclopedia.

  2. Gordon Reply

    May 11, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    answer to number 10.

    i will fly to wisconsin to fix the leaky sink as long as i get a shag !

    • Dafty Ed Reply

      May 11, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      Hahaha Gordon. Have you been watching American housewives in films where there might be a plumber involved? You are a naughty boy :)

  3. Tinny Reply

    May 13, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    I saw an excellent pisstake once. “Life is all about quotes and stuff. And here is a picture of a cat.”

    • Dafty Ed Reply

      May 13, 2013 at 1:33 pm

      LOL-good one Tinny :)

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