THERESA MAY has raised the terror alert to critical this morning after a Christmas market and two department stores played Shakin’ Stevens’ festive season hit ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’, it has been reported.
The move is a repeat of last year after a High Street store in one of UK’s major cities played Slade, Band Aid’s ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ and a very dodgy seasonal Cliff Richard track back-to-back for a full ten minutes, forcing shoppers to flee for their lives.
However, reports from Downing Street said the MI5 are deeply concerned for the public’s safety and therefore recommended a critical alert should be put in place.
An MI5 spokesperson told our reporters:
“Shoppers must be extra vigilant in the run-up to Christmas. There are many threats at this time of year; in particular, some very shady Christmas songs.”
Meanwhile, a house in Manchester was raided by anti-terror police where a stash of knocked-off Mrs. Browns’ Boys DVDs and boxes of highly dangerous Ferrero Rocher were confiscated.