IN a new shake-up proposed by the Governing Body of British Transport, private hire taxi drivers have been warned to expand their waistlines and eat more unhealthier, it has emerged.
A spokesperson for the governing body said this morning: “In recent years we’ve had to strike hard right into the heart of the taxi driving community. Last year we instructed all male drivers to be more ignorant and unclean and this year we’ve seen an increase in drivers looking far too healthy, for our liking.”
The new proposal is thought to include a free lunch pack for drivers that will include artery-choking, obesity-inducing fatty foodstuffs with highly dangerous ingredients.”
The spokesperson continued…
“We need more drivers to get stuck in their seats and have breathing problems as they try to retrieve passengers’ luggage from the boot of their cars.”