Shock as Man Found in Starbucks NOT Using His Laptop

WITNESSES in a city centre Starbucks were being comforted this morning after a regular customer appeared NOT to be using his laptop, it has emerged.

Onlookers outside the coffee outlet were ushered away to allow riot cops and anti-terror squads to storm the premises where they constructed a lengthy four-hour long interrogation on the suspect.

Homeland Security chief made this statement outside Starbucks:

“The incident occurred during the busy breakfast hour where everybody uses their laptops and makes themselves very important.

“On this occasion, however, the suspect did not use his laptop, thus creating a wave of suspicion.”

Store manager Jeff Hickery told our reporters: “The man ordered a coffee and sat down with what appeared to be a case with a laptop inside.

“He didn’t open his laptop and he never even looked at his phone. In fact, my staff became suspicious when he didn’t even look outside the window to make himself known he was in Starbucks.

“He appeared to not be interested in making himself look very important and so we had no option but to alert the authorities.”

Spokesperson for Starbucks said: “We do not tolerate tolerable behaviour in any of our outlets. We have a strict policy of making sure our customers act like they own the place and behave in a manner in which to make those outside, and non-Starbucks drinkers, absolutely despise us.”




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