Road Gritters to Fuck up More Cars as Temperatures Set to Plummet

A COLD snap that’s about to hit the UK could see millions of cars requiring paintwork after it emerged all road gritters have been instructed to spray as much gravel and grit all over parked cars as possible.

Spokesperson for the Road Gritters Society said this morning: “As we have to work late at night in freezing temperatures with you all tucked in bed all cosy and warm; it’s the most natural thing for us to do and that is to hate you!”

It is understood billions of tonnes of extra gravel and grit have been imported into the UK where all-night road gritters plan to unleash total carnage across the country.

Driver Dave, a fat, balding, angry man in his late forties, promised to spray extra portions on nice cars parked on both sides of the road.

He told Dafty News: “I’ll do U-turns to get to cars that are not even on our schedule list, if that’s what it takes to fuck up paintwork.”




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