American actress and talk show queen, Oprah Winfrey, has made the startling claim that she was kicked up the arse by Victoria Beckham, the wife of soccer legend, David, and former member of The Spice Girls pop group.
Miss Winfrey, 103, told a press conference last night: “I was out front doing a little gardening when I heard the sound of running feet on my driveway. I turned round and saw Posh Spice out of The Spice Girls coming full pelt towards me.
“Before I could even straighten up, she kicked me right up the arse. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. She then shouted out “Pick the bones out of that one fatty” and just ran away. She may only be a slip of a girl but I have to tell you she has a kick like a pack mule. I expect she gets it from her husband. I don’t mind admitting I’ve got one hell of a bruise as a result. Talk about the colour purple!”
When one of our reporters called at the Beckham’s palatial home in Beverly Hills, the door was answered by Mr Beckham himself who claimed that his wife had gone back to England to see her mum. He appeared agitated and became flustered when questioned about the incident: “Look this is absolute rubbish!” he said “Victoria’s never kicked anyone up the arse in her life as far as I’m aware. She actually loves Oprah and watches her show religiously. It must have been someone pretending to be her. Yes that’ll be it”
When questioned about similar allegations involving his wife made by other celebrities; including Clint Eastwood, who claimed Mrs Beckham had kneed him in the balls while he was shopping in the supermarket; and Mariah Carey, who reported her to the police for punching her in the tits at The Oscars last month, Beckham slammed the door and refused to come out again.
A spokesperson for Ms Beckham’s PR company refused to be drawn on the incident at first but then admitted “I wouldn’t be at all surprised to be honest with you, she’s always been a surly, po-faced little cow”