Policing this great city can be a daunting and even life-threatening business, particularly in these fraught days when the threat of terrorism lurks around every corner.
It’s small wonder then, that our commissioner, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, has made the tough decision to select crack members of The Met to form an armed rapid response unit to react with stealth and speed to any terrorist strike. I count myself fortunate to be among this elite band.
Last week, we underwent a grueling training session on the SAS assault course in The Brecon Beacons, where the weather was as bleak and unwelcoming as the grim task ahead of us.
Fortunately, I had secreted a bottle of Old Bushmills Irish whiskey in my rucksack and managed to have a really good skinful while the other lads were swinging on ropes and crawling through muddy puddles.
I was later made to return to traffic duty after accidentally shooting an instructor up the arse on the firing range.
PC Ted Stupor appears courtesy of The Methylated Stumblebum Herald