Outcry as Tunnock’s Teacakes contract awarded to North Korea

by Danny SoZ

Following hot on the heels of yesterday’s furore, when it was announced that the new British passports were to be made in France, there was further fury last night as the government announced that the rights to manufacture the iconic, Tunnock’s Teacake, “The braw and bonny taste of guid auld England” was being awarded to the pariah state of North Korea.

Home Secretary Boris Johnson told The Commons: “The government are fully aware that Tunnock’s are a symbol of our proud English heritage and that they have never been associated with Scotland and never will be, but the North Koreans have promised to make them for a pound cheaper than Tunnocks themselves so were we left with no choice.

“They will be roughly the same colour and will taste pretty much the same, but there will probably be bits of stewed dog flesh in there somewhere and they will now be called Kimmy’s Heroic Proletariat Munchies. However, we think that’s a small price to pay for such a saving on the public purse.”

Brexiteers reacted furiously to the news last night with Nigel Farage and Jacob Rees-Mogg each throwing a Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer into the duck pond at St James’s Park in protest.

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