Nigel Farage ‘slithers’ from room to room quoting Burns before sex, claims estranged wife

by Danny SoZ

The estranged wife of former UKIP leader and Donald Trump confidante, Nigel Farage, has told Dafty News that he always carried out a bizarre pre-sex ritual in which he would slither from room to room on his belly while quoting the Scottish poet, Robert “Rabbi” Burns.

Wee, sleekit, cowran, tim’rous politician likes to quote Burns in the bedroom

German-born, Kristen Farage told us: “I always knew when Nigel wanted intimacy as he would slither in and out of various rooms on his belly quoting Burns.

His favourite was the one about a wee sleekit cowrin’ timrous beastie. I always knew I was in for a minute or two’s disturbance from reading when I heard that one.”

Farage strongly denied the claims last night: “I’ve never slithered in my life and I would certainly not quote a non-English poet like Burns if I were to do so. Any slithering would be done to the accompaniment of Byron or Keats or somebody along those lines”

Mrs Farage’s claim comes just 2 days after Boris Johnson’s wife revealed that he can only achieve a workable erection after scouring the hard-to-get-to bit around the back of the downstairs toilet bowl with Vim.






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