SCIENTISTS have revealed a stunning new find after discovering humans CAN live forever but there is just one slight snag: you are not allowed to die.
Dr. Herbert Franklmyer from the University of Amazing Things No Fucker Will Believe told our reporters:
“It’s no secret human beings are living longer as we evolve but we could live forever if we learned to stop fucking it up by dying or getting killed.”
It is understood there are already some humans who are living up to the scientist’s theory that we can go on and on to live an eternal life.
The scientist continued: “Bruce Forsyth, Dick van Dyke Doris Day and Kirk Douglas are a testament to our theory. Between them, they accumulate to around 2 billion light years, so it’s possible the everyman can live forever too.”