London Plans to Lower Vauxhall Bridge in Bid to Cut Suicide Attempts

Westminster City Council have announced that they are going to lower Vauxhall Bridge, which spans The Thames from Lambeth to Westminster, leaving it suspended just 3 feet from the water in an effort to deter would-be suicide victims from leaping to their deaths.

The bridge, often macabrely referred to as The Bridge Of Death, has claimed over 1,400 victims since it was opened in 1937 and is the most prolific suicide venue in The United Kingdom.

London Mayor, Boris Johnson, told reporters last night. “We feel it’s time something was done to deter people from taking their own lives in this way. Being dubbed the suicide capital of the UK is detrimental to our reputation and downright bad for business. We aim to start work on lowering the bridge in June, and hope to finish before the Christmas rush of suicidal Londoners who have maxed out their credit cards begins”

The Mayor’s office have issued a statement, however, pointing out that the bridge will be restored to its former height if Simon Cowell ever decides to take the easy way out.

 

 

 

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

Dafty News

Dafty News

Parody & Satire News Channel