A 52-year-old man, from Spitalfields in East London, is to appeal to The European Court Of Human Rights in a bid to overturn a recent ruling by the British government, denying him the right to an assisted suicide on humane grounds due to constant exposure to popular TV talent show, The X Factor.
Cliff Denton, a motor vehicle technician, will claim that throughout the last 5 years, Saturday nights have become a living hell, sapping his will to live and robbing him of any semblance of quality of life.
In a moving statement, made from the sofa in his living room, a clearly emotional Mr Denton told us: “For 5 long years, I’ve battled against this diabolical TV show, it’s now got to the point where I just want it all to end. It’s not just for myself, it’s for my family too. It’s just not fair to have them watch me go through this hell every Saturday night.
“I’ve tried turning over to Inspector Morse repeats on ITV3, but my wife gets annoyed and switches it back again. At the end of the day, if a dumb animal was suffering like this people wouldn’t hesitate to have it put to sleep. I just want to be allowed to slip away peacefully. Preferably before the new series starts and I have to be subjected to that oily fuck, Simon Cowell, with his big trousers and gigantic, botoxed forehead for what seems like hours at a time”
If Mr Denton fails in his bid, he has confided to friends that he may follow in the footsteps of a man from Arbroath in Scotland, who last year threw himself in front of a speeding train shortly before X Factor rival TV show, The Voice, began it’s second series.