Celebrity star of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kim Kardashian, has announced plans to reprise the home video role that made her famous by giving one of her Filipino staff oral sex as a mark of her support for the victims of the crisis in war-torn Syria.
Ms Kardashian herself was unavailable for comment yesterday as she was lying on a sun lounger with one knee raised; but we spoke to her public relations manager who told us: “Kim was absolutely distraught when she heard of the plight of the victims of this terrible war and has vowed to do all in her power to help alleviate their suffering. We discussed a number of possible measures, including donating a sum of money to one of the aid charities, but after a great deal of soul searching, Kim has decided to suck off the pool boy. We think he’s a Filipino as he’s quite brown and has those slitty eyes, but we’re not absolutely sure as he can’t speak English. Anyway, Kim has assured me that as soon as she’s had her afternoon beauty nap she’s going to get him up in her bedroom and administer oral sex. One of the other staff members will film the whole episode with a view to giving a small percentage of any money raised - via porn site royalties etc - to the victims of the war. She feels it’s the least she can do”
When we relayed the news to a young mother, recently made homeless during a recent Russian air strike, she told us: “It’s very kind of her and we’re all extremely grateful but I’d have preferred a temporary shelter for myself and my little ones to be honest with you. What did you say her name was again?”