I Kicked Tony Blair Up The Arse In White House Bogs Claims Kofi Annan

In a surprise announcement made last night to trade delegates at London’s Guild Hall, ex-United Nations General Secretary, Kofi Annan, revealed that during high-level peace talks to resolve the crisis in Iraq in 2003, he kicked British Prime Minister Tony Blair up the arse in the White House toilets during a comfort break.

Nobel Peace Prize winner, Annan, 77, told a group of over 100 captains of British industry: “The peace talks weren’t going very well to be honest with you. Despite my urgings for restraint and for fresh proposals to be put to the Iraqi government, Mr Blair and President Bush were completely intransigent and wanted to launch a full-scale invasion at the earliest opportunity.

“Around 2.00am, I started breaking my neck for a piss and called for a 20-minute break in proceedings. Both Blair and Bush readily agreed and while the President remained seated, Blair and myself went to the men’s room down the corridor. Once inside I went over to one of the urinals to relieve myself while Mr Blair went into one of the traps for a shit. I can only assume he’d dined well at the pre-talks buffet as it sounded like somebody emptying a sack of King Edwards potatoes into a bucket.

“I had just finished washing my hands and was starting to roll a cigarette when Blair emerged and stood, slightly bent at the waist, at one of the sinks. It was an opportunity too good to miss, so I took a short run up and booted him right up the arse. At the time it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He took it fairly well to be honest with you and just gave me one of those famous trademark grins before drying his hands and leaving.

“To his credit, he didn’t allow the incident to faze him one iota, and within 7 days, British and American jet fighter-bombers were flattening Baghdad.  I’ve met Mr Blair on a number of occasions since the incident and he’s never once mentioned it, although he did confide in me that during an all-night sitting at The House Of Commons in 2004, he rushed into the ladies toilets at The House Of Commons and pulled Margaret Thatcher’s knickers down to her ankles while she was using the hand dryer.”

Associated Press




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