WARNING: contains graphic content viewers may find distressing.
GLASTONBURY—A 38-year-old man has been detained in connection with the brutal murder of Bohemian Rhapsody, it has emerged.
The man, who goes by the name of Kanye West, gave his residence as Hidden Hills, California, sadly refused his right to remain silent as investigators charged him with the gruesome and horrendous slaughtering of the much-loved operatic ballad segment anthem, known to locals and everyone around the world as Bohemian Rhapsody.
Witnesses at the scene of the crime (a stage at Glastonbury Festival) told our reporters: “It was horrific. There was nothing anybody could do. The brutal murder of Bohemian Rhapsody was over in about a minute.”
“It all happened so quickly. This man clad in army fatigues just appeared on stage out of the mist and began his sickening execution of Bohemian Rhapsody,” said one eye witness.
Investigators say the murder was ‘swift and carried out by an artist hell-bent on committing a most atrocious act of brutal-ness never before seen or heard at such a high profile event.’
Family, friends and fans of Bohemian Rhapsody were said to be too distraught to comment but the family lawyer for Bohemian Rhapsody made this statement:
“It is with great sadness that this individual, who claims to be an icon with talent, sought to commit a heinous crime on one of the most cherished and loved ballad segment anthems ever.
“There are simply no words to describe how anyone could do such a thing to something that is regarded as one of the most creative, ahead-of-its-time, pieces of respected work. Only he (West) can explain his actions for which he should be severely punished.”
A report has been sent to the Procurator Fiscal as criminal investigators say West should be detained without release as he is highly dangerous and likely to murder another song again.
Background reports are also being carried out to find out how someone so bad could attract so much attention.