Will the sun shine this month on all you zodiac lovers? or will it be the usual 30-day torrential torment? Find out only in the Dafty News horrorscopes.
Now that the summer is here you have plans to squirt that lotion all over your pale shoulders and enjoy the sun. Quite right because Aries rules the roost and you are entitled to be basking in the hot weather – let alone your glory. Show off!
There is a little bit of an enigma in the air this June for you Taurus folks. Don’t hide your problems or keep all your worries to yourself; share them with the world. Set up a worrying blog and if you are female you can always announce to the world how crap your life is and you can even start with the famous TWENTY REASONS WHY MY MAN IS AN ARSEHOLE. That should get you a nice girly following to your worry blog. If you are male, then this month will be the same as all the other months for you guys: boring, mundane and extremely predictable. Don’t try to change things, just go with the flow.
To be brutally honest with you Gemini people your chart doesn’t look too great this time of the year. Just because it is your birthday season it doesn’t mean you can always get what you always want because there are many people who will not be shy in putting a stop to it. And, stop those unnecessary tantrums; people are not buying them and especially your loved ones – they literally don’t give a toss what you think, want or crave.
Piece together all that has happened to you this year (especially the worst things) and double it! That is what you can expect this month of June. Double trouble and double the amount of crap that has gone on in your life the last few months. In fact, this whole year, to be honest.
Leos won’t be so lucky this month. Sorry folks but you have had it much too easy in the last while and now is time for you to pay back some of that Karma luck and spread to those who need it the most.
Deceit, turmoil and frustration seem to be flavour of the month this June and sadly for you Virgo people it doesn’t look like getting any better for you. Don’t worry, there is always the harsh cold winter to look forward to because it won’t be as bleak and grey as this summer…you have been warned!
Correct yourself at all times because you will be engulfed in a lot of nonsense gossip and rumours – and you my friend will be at the heart of it all. You might be getting something wrong here but other people don’t really give a fuck about your concerns. Sure, they might appear to be bothered and share your frowning crown but deep down you are on your own with your affairs.
Scorpions will have the sting taken out of their tails this month. Trust me, your position in your group or circle will come under scrutiny and if you continue to make yourself known, loud and important in your environment there are many people who are willing to peg you back down a few notches. Don’t say I didn’t tell you!
Get used to life in the slow lane because you are going to be slowed down to a halt in June and pretty much all the way through until the end of the summer. Life is not what it is all cracked up to be so appreciate your banality and equally as atrocious way of life because unless you win massive amounts of money on the lottery you will be stuck in the mud just like every other star sign.
Last month was not great for you and I did say things would get better for you in the month of June. Sadly, I didn’t promise you, I only said. Saying and promising are two different things entirely and this month is pretty much that theme.
Try a little bit harder this month and you might take a little step forward. Don’t expect anything to happen as a result of your mediocre effort but let others see you are at least making a little bit of an effort in life. After all, there are many who have been propping you up and it is about time you showed those people you appreciate it.
If there was such a thing as an upgrade to a better star sign I am sure all you fishy folks would bite the hand off to get it. Well, I say bite the hand off, I know some of you fish don’t have teeth in the general sense but that doesn’t stop you from trying to develop a backbone in life.