Jesus’ E-fit Proves He Was a Shady Bastard With a Criminal Past
RELIGION took another severe battering after an e-fit of Jesus Christ was created by a team of forensic scientists using state-of-the-art technology, revealing:
- He was not the messiah everybody thinks he was
- Had a string of convictions
- Seedy and shady past
- Most likely a high profile criminal who put fear into his community
The stunning image of Jesus proves he had a shady background with a criminal record ranging from early petty misdemeanors to more series crimes such as drug-related and serious assault charges.
Forensic scientist Martha Hoffenberg said ‘the e-fit will quash any tales of Jesus being a good guy who healed and died for our sins.’
She told Dafty News as she broke down the e-fit into scientific and psychological terms:
“It is likely he was a carpenter. I think this part of the whole Jesus story could be correct because he has a worrying frown that is synonymous with being self-employed and is being chased by the tax authorities for not filling in his self-assessment forms before the January deadline.
“His eyes look like they hold a dark and terrifying past. This could illustrate that he was involved in some high profile gang activity. Probably armed robbery.
“If you look closely he does have that untrusted would-rob-his-own-grandmother look about him which suggests he may well have been a heavy drug user.”
Meanwhile since the release of Jesus’ e-fit, it has been reported at least 4 million Mexicans have been arrested for crimes ranging from car theft to working for drug cartels.
