Jesus’ E-fit Proves He Was a Shady Bastard With a Criminal Past

RELIGION took another severe battering after an e-fit of Jesus Christ was created by a team of forensic scientists using state-of-the-art technology, revealing:

  • He was not the messiah everybody thinks he was
  • Had a string of convictions
  • Seedy and shady past
  • Most likely a high profile criminal who put fear into his community

The stunning image of Jesus proves he had a shady background with a criminal record ranging from early petty misdemeanors to more series crimes such as drug-related and serious assault charges.

Forensic scientist Martha Hoffenberg said ‘the e-fit will quash any tales of Jesus being a good guy who healed and died for our sins.’

She told Dafty News as she broke down the e-fit into scientific and psychological terms:

“It is likely he was a carpenter. I think this part of the whole Jesus story could be correct because he has a worrying frown that is synonymous with being self-employed and is being chased by the tax authorities for not filling in his self-assessment forms before the January deadline.

“His eyes look like  they hold a dark and terrifying past. This could illustrate that he was involved in some high profile gang activity. Probably armed robbery.

“If you look closely he does have that untrusted would-rob-his-own-grandmother look about him which suggests he may well have been a heavy drug user.”

Meanwhile since the release of Jesus’ e-fit, it has been reported at least 4 million Mexicans have been arrested for crimes ranging from car theft to working for drug cartels.




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