Jeremy Corbyn Offers to Blow Hilary Benn to Achieve Party Unity

Embattled Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn has followed up his offer to “reach out” to party rebels to restore party unity by offering to fellate, one-time colleague and now his biggest detractor, Hilary Benn, either at Corbyn’s home or a place of Benn’s choosing.

Speaking to reporters at his home, Corbyn, looking drawn and shaken said: “I realise things are looking pretty grim for me right now and that is why I’ve offered to nosh off Hilary Benn. If it means a better future for our great party then I’m prepared to swallow it.”

When asked if he will be extending a similar offer to party rebel, Angela Eagle, who is expected to challenge Corbyn for the leadership, he replied: “You must be joking. Have you seen the state of her? There are limits you know. Anyway, I’m pretty certain she’s a lezza.”

This is only the second time sexual favours have been offered in return for party loyalty. Ex-Prime Minister, Ted Heath, told the party faithful in 1979, that he was prepared to give, the then PM, Margaret Thatcher, a 15 minute back scuttling if she would make him Home Secretary.




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