JADE GOODIE’S FATHER WAS A MANATEE CLAIMS SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH

TV naturalist, Sir David Attenborough, has made the startling claim that deceased Big Brother winner, Jade Goodie’s, father was a manatee that once swam in the warm brackish waters of one of the Caribbean Islands.

Speaking to the National Geographic Society, Attenborough, 136, said “Having exhumed Jade Goodie’s body, and carried out a number of exhaustive scientific tests, I am now wholly convinced that her father was a manatee or sea cow; and that, in all probability, he once inhabited  a small inlet or river, probably in one of the Leeward Islands of The Caribbean.

“The similarities are irrefutable when you really look at it, with the large, relatively shapeless body, the astoundingly low intelligence and the permanently gormless expression.

I took a DNA sample from a dead manatee that I found washed up on the beach during my last expedition studying marine life off the coast of Antigua and found it to be a perfect match with that of Ms Goodie”

A spokesperson for The Jade Goodie Foundation, a charity set up in memory of the dead irritant, said last night:

” Don’t you talk abart ‘er like wot you just talked! Jade woz a bootyful angle and there’s just no way ‘er dad was a creature out of the sea and that! If David Attenborough keeps saying that, I’m going up the council”

These revelations follow swiftly on the heels of the discovery that Jade’s ex-husband, Jake Tweedy, was the son of a 3-toed sloth from Sumatra in Western Indonesia.

 

 

 

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