Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, came out fighting last night after news broke that North Korea have detonated a hydrogen bomb in an underground testing facility, vowing to use Simon Cowell’s big trousers to quell any threat to Great Britain.
In a brief statement to journalists outside his home, Corbyn - who spent yesterday sacking former party apparatchiks who had stopped agreeing with him, said: “In the event of a hydrogen bomb attack on this country I will not hesitate to deploy Simon Cowell’s massive trousers to quell the threat”
Corbyn explained that he would ask the army to borrow a pair of the pop entrepreneur’s giant trousers and attach them to a long stick, forming a makeshift butterfly net.
The trousers would then be used to catch the missile before it could land on England, or any of the other, less important countries nearby. The legs and waist would then be tied up with special garden string and a controlled explosion carried out - probably in the north of England, or somewhere else a long way away from London.
This proposal mirrors the promise to keep Britain safe from attack made by Prime Minister, David Cameron, last month when he unveiled plans to form a bombproof shield over the capital using a pair of BBC London radio presenter, Vanessa Feltz’s gigantic knickers.