Hard bastard turkey refuses to defrost

by Dafty News

Emergency services were called to a location north of the country after it emerged a ‘hard bastard’ turkey refused to defrost, leaving the family in turmoil just hours before guests arrive.

Hopeful: family were desperate to have turkey for Christmas dinner

A family spokesperson told Dafty News: “We’ve been trying everything all morning but the little bastard simply won’t defrost.

“We’ve got family and friends coming over in time for the Queen’s speech. This has turned into a nightmare.”

It is understood some members of the family steeped the turkey in a roasting hot bath, to turning the oven up to full blast, but have so far been unsuccessful.”

Emergency services rushed to the semi-detached home where they spent over an hour pouring boiling water over the turkey in an attempt to soften it up a bit.

An emergency service spokesperson told us: “At approximately 10am this morning we received a frantic call from a worried member of the family. Three units were deployed to the scene as this was clearly a worrying situation.

“Unfortunately there was nothing we could do. The turkey looked to be a right little hard bastard and refused to defrost.”

The local priest also got involved as he raced to the family home. It is understood prayers were read before recommending a local takeaway as a substitute for Christmas dinner.

Meanwhile, a Christmas turkey expert offered a tip to anyone struggling to defrost their turkey.

She told us: “It’s best to preheat your oven either on the 18th of December or just before.”

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