IT is estimated around 5 billion idiots will take part in the overhyped Black Friday today which is expected to last a staggering four days, Amazon warned.
Internet users are expected to make up for around 85% of the purchasing; which experts predict will just be a lot of junk you wouldn’t contemplate buying if it didn’t accompany the Black Friday tag; while the remaining 15% will traipse the rainy sludgy streets of UK’s High Streets looking for a right good department store scrap.
An Amazon spokesperson told our reporters earlier this morning as he giggled: “Black Friday means we can lure more idiots to our site. We just pretend prices are slashed, it makes it so much easier to get idiots to whip their credit cards out and overspend. It never fails.”
“It also means we can promote our ‘Customers who bought this shit also bought this other shit’ to our customers.”
Meanwhile, American stores are gearing up for their annual Thanksgiving Black Friday extravaganza by organizing Walmart stampedes and several shopping mall shootings as shoppers prepare to go toe-to-toe for a range of half-price crap that is fucking useless to anyone.