George Osborne Introduces Extra Arsehole to Each Family in Budget Shake-up

THE 2016 budget was finally brought to a close after Chancellor of the Exchequer Osborne laid out his plans to bring the UK up to its highest economy standard for decades, with some stunning new features added to the budget blueprint.

Scrambling for his pocket calculator, Osborne addressed the media with the following statement:

“I decided to add one extra arsehole per family. Each family will have an added waster in order to keep the police and courts in business and of course, to keep the alcohol and tobacco industry flowing quite nicely.”

Meanwhile deficit critics say Osborne’s budget is flawed and riddled with potential devastating consequences. Opposing parties say Osborne should have increased the rate of mood swings for those living on council estates and are adamant rich housewives living in plush suburbs should be giving away free sex to the underprivileged.

Also included in the budget, Osborne has introduced:

  • 3% increase in teenage pregnancies
  • 2 more single mothers per cul-de-sac
  • 5% increase in readily available narcotics with high street value

 

 

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