Following last night’s trouncing in the Oldham by-election, UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, handed in his resignation before announcing three minutes later that he was withdrawing it due to overwhelming support from party rank and file. This was in stark contrast to his previous resignation which lasted 4 days in total, during which he announced plans to take a long holiday with his German wife.
Speaking to reporters from outside his home in Surrey, Farage said: “Last night’s result admittedly did come as a shock, but I can’t blame our candidate who did a sterling job all things considered. If anything, I blame myself and the Oldham public who clearly need educating further on the subject of immigration and the threat it poses to all of us that can boast good old Anglo-Saxon stock.
“I am also absolutely furious about the corrupt nature of the postal voting system. I can only assume that the Post Office had employed part-time staff - most of whom would almost certainly be immigrants - to reinforce numbers during the run-up to Christmas, and that they deliberately threw the UKIP voters’ ballot papers over a hedge to stop us from winning.
“As a result, I resigned half an hour ago but bowed to requests from the party members to continue three minutes later. I should like to thank my deputy, Paul Nuttall for doing such a wonderful job in holding the party together in my absence”.
Mr Nuttal remained tight-lipped when asked for a comment, but his chauffeur told us: “He didn’t look too happy when he came out of party headquarters after just three minutes. I must admit I wasn’t exactly delighted myself. I didn’t even have time to finish my roll-up.”