Facebook warns users: take your ‘I can’t sleep’ posts somewhere f*cking else

by Dafty News

Mark Zuckerberg has come under fire from millions of insomniacs after announcing in a scheduled quarterly statement: take all your sympathy-seeking ‘I can’t sleep’ posts somewhere else, preferably Tumblr or Google Plus, you useless bunch of pricks.”

The strong message from the leader of all the social media giants has not gone down too well with sleep sufferers, with many taking to Facebook during the night to vent their anger.

One angry Facebook insomniac fumed at Zuckerberg when she wrote: “How dare he tells us to go elsewhere to look for attention. Everybody knows Facebook is where everyone hangs out and it’s much easier to get noticed there for our awkward sleep patterns.”

Zuckerberg himself declined to comment but a close aide and high official from Facebook told our reporters: “Look, it’s this simple, if you can’t sleep then just fuck off over to another platform and declare it over there. Don’t annoy us or our users. Maybe Twitter will accept you but we don’t.

“You are all a bunch of useless tossers. If you can’t sleep that’s your problem, not ours. We’ve got advertizing space to fill and if you can’t post bogus claims, bigotry, racism or go trolling then you are not welcome on our platform…just fuck off.”

It’s not the first time Facebook has been pissed off with its users. This week a mother and her newborn were slammed by Zuckerberg and his shareholders after she boasted about some utterly meaningless crap about her baby’s first tooth or something like that.

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