Dorking Ripper Claims 9th Victim. Police Baffled

The quiet, rural town of Dorking in Surrey, was in the icy grip of terror last night as news broke of yet another brutal attack on a female resident The woman, in her 60s, was making her way home from a Women’s Institute meeting during the early part of Tuesday evening when she was attacked.

This is the 9th such incident in the last year by the fiend, who has earned the grim nickname The Dorking Ripper, and whose murderous attacks have left police baffled, and the townsfolk afraid to leave their homes after dark.

His modus operandi is always the same. His victims are always female and aged between 45 and 90. He always strikes after dark and chooses quiet, ill-lit, non-residential areas to ply his macabre trade. He approaches his victims - and in what they afterwards describe, as a friendly and open manner - will ask for directions, or the whereabouts of the nearest pub. Then, as soon as the woman starts to reply, the fiend pulls out a sheet of blank A4 paper, rips it into shreds, and throws it in the victim’s face before running away.

His latest victim, Mrs Dolores Mason, aged 58, told reporters. “I’ll never forget the look on his face as he ripped up that sheet of paper and hurled it into my face. His eyes were crazed, like those of a wild animal, and there was drool running down his chin. It was terrifying!” .

Det Insp. Alan Hargreaves of Surrey Constabulary held a press conference last night in which he stated. “We are clearly dealing with a very dangerous, and obviously deranged individual and we urge the public not to approach him, especially if you’ve got any paper on you. At present we’re working on a number of leads, including a series of cryptic messages we have received from the man we suspect may be responsible for these crimes.

He then showed reporters a brief slideshow of the messages left at the scenes of the crimes. The first, which was scrawled in red ink on a torn scrap of what appeared to be A4 printer paper, simply said:

“From Hell

Dear Boss. I’m down on paper and I won’t stop ripping till I’ve run out. Catch your saucy Jack if you can.”

The second message, which police found daubed in bright red paint in a stairwell close to the scene of one of the outrages, was even more cryptic and said. “The Dafties are the ones that  won’t be blamed for nothing.”

This may well be a grim reference to the Dafty News online magazine, which has a well-earned and unsavoury reputation, for furiously ripping up sheets of paper, particularly those presented by would-be contributors for sub-editing.

Insp. Mason then went on. “At present we’re concentrating our efforts on long distance lorry drivers, as it’s a well-known fact that they are all crazed, psychotic, murderers, who wouldn’t think twice about strangling teenage hitch-hikers  before disposing of their bodies in ditches. Either that or it might be Prince Philip. I mean to say, if you can take out Lady Di you’re pretty much capable of anything to be fair”

“At this stage we advise all members of the public to stay indoors during the hours of darkness, and to be especially wary of going out if a thick fog is swirling around, and particularly, if the gaslights are casting a long shadow on the wall of a tall, cloaked figure, wearing a top hat and carrying a bit of paper”.

In a completely separate incident, the body of a 42-year-old prostitute has been discovered in a small square just off the town centre by a policeman with a cape and a lamp. Her corpse had been hideously mutilated, her uterus had been severed from her womb, and her entrails draped across her shoulder. However, the police are dismissing the incident as insignificant, and, almost certainly, the work of a harmless copycat prankster.







About Dafty News 1988 Articles
Parody & Satire News Channel