Dear Dafty

Convince your neighbours that your wife has been on a short break to Magaluf by rubbing gearbox oil into her face before blacking both her eyes, thus giving her that tanned, bar-brawl victim look.

For added authenticity, clean out her savings account and give her a sexually transmitted disease.

The gullible fools won’t suspect a thing.

The Right Reverend Dave Runcie

Arsebishop Of Camdenbury





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