Mothers-to-be and their lovers have been warned about possible harsh tax bills for those who dare name their babies after silly television personalities.
In a news statement, the baby name database registry have slapped fines and increased taxes by about 500%.
An insider from the registry said last night: “Traditional boys’ baby names like Willie, Dougie, Fergie, Tam, Davy, Bobby and Archie are all exempt from the heavy tax fines and girls who are named: Cathy, Betty, Sadie, Agnes, Margaret, Sandra and Liz, will receive more benefits as a result of staying within the reality line but those naming their children with ridiculous names can forget about any rebates.”
Our insider continued…
“Parents who continually opt to name their kids after useless and highly-overrated television personalities and mediocre sport stars will find their purses, wallets, power cards and Monday books radically reduced.”
One associate from the registrar said yesterday: “We are tired of flicking through the vast amount of newly-printed birth certificates and having to read what those poor babies are named these days. We are actually lodging an official complaint on a range of names we believe to have no family tradition whatsoever and no thought either going into naming their kids except to name the poor child after your favourite soap star. Something needs to be done about it and we will be acting aggressively from now on. Some names we have to process might be okay if your child is to be groomed to be the next top news reader and some names will cause more slapping on the parents but not from our side. These kids will be slapping their parents later on in life fro having the audacity to name them after a mediocre icon.”
Regular Dafty News reader, wee Lennie, had this to say about baby names…”I can see the logic in naming yer wean Mercedes if ye are fae Hispanic persuasion or even if ye have Latino blood in ye but no if ye are a wee plukey, ginger-haired, pasty-white faced wee lassie fae up a close in a housing estate in Glesga. These wee weans are no tae blame but the parents. It’s as if they name their weans with luxurious and exotic names just tae make them feel better aboot themselves coz they have nae job, nae dosh and nae life prospects.”
“I fully agree wi the registry people. These idiots that name their weans as if they were fucking pop stars is getting way oot of hand.”