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Columnists

Aunt Madge is a non-qualified psychologist that can help any problem you may have. Whether it’s the drink or the drugs you’re having problems with, our Aunt Madge can help you out - she can sell you both.
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Political Phil is our political (obviously) correspondent. With years of experience in slagging off and disliking leaders, our Phil aims to be spot on the money as he brings you throat-cutting news and articles.
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Tam the Bam is a hard-hitting, no nonsense ranter of exquisite gripe. He is our loudest and most in-your-face Dafty News reporter. If you’ve not had an accident in the last 12-months, our Tam will arrange for you to have one.
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Dashboard Dougie brings you travel updates with venting anger, a fist directed at fellow drivers, and his middle finger up at road traffic situations. During rush hour, Dashboard Dougie elevates road rage to new levels.
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Crime-busting Private Detective Stoker takes you on his trails as he uncovers high-profile cases. Get right into the heartbeat of police work at its best with the hard-nosed detective - who likes his drink like he likes his captures: instant.
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Steffi is our stars lady who brings experience and reality to your monthly horroscopes (horoscopes). If you are looking for reassurance or a quick puzzle solver for your life then don’t read Steffi’s stars. She oozes logic.
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Talkdinho, football pundit, who has a passion for entertaining football and an advocate of bringing the old-style game back to our screens; kicks-off from time to time about the beautiful game.
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Arlene Hayes: Top Scots author Arlene Hayes’s brilliant Author’s Notepad column brings a touch of class to Dafty News. Arlene is not only a highly-skilled entertaining writer; she is also the author of the Conflict Series: four-part sequel classic.
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Techy Dave with all his expert knowledge of everything to do with the tech world including (but not subject to) online marketing, gadgets and the web. Techy  Dave is Dafty News’ chief editor.
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Rachel’s Reviews covers music, films, TV and the goings on in the world of entertainment. Rachel is our chief entertainments writer. See Rachel’s other column here too.
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Stephen Hamilton covers the comedic aspects of Dafty News. The exiled Scottish comedian and self-professed loudmouth Glaswegian is also the creative director at Dafty News.
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Wee Granny Bella brings a unique and hysterical look at the world with her own twist of bedtime stories. The pensioner from Scotland is in her 80s and has her very own fan base.
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Denise Robinson is an Australian author of high distinction and brings a fresh and helpful column to Dafty News on the subject of suicide and mental health. Denise’s D-Light column shows that not everything about Dafty News is humour. We also open up and reach out to those who struggle.
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Martyn Ellington: Martyn’s  inclusion as our film critic columnist aims to bring the reader closer to a more honest and dissected assessment of movies and the film industry – from someone who knows the front and back-end of films. Martyn is also a published author. Martyn is not only a movie fan (or film buff, as they are often called) but he has actually written a series of books and a film script.
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Derek Reid is a superb motivational expert and fitness enthusiast. Derek’s ‘Glesga Guru’ column helps to bring a bit of postive spark and energy with an added sense of humour.
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Opinion Lady (Stephanie) is our most hard-hitting columnist and doesn’t hold back when it comes to opinions about the world and its people. This no-holds-barred lady has had more fall-outs than a nuclear reactor but as she says: “I am just saying what most people are thinking; ‘cept I have the courage to carry out my thoughtful convictions.”
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Smack Lady (Maria) not only rants but she loves to take it a step higher with her ‘smack’ methods. We don’t mean smack as in the back-hand to the side of the face; we’re talking about enforcing a side on trajectory by using the back-end of a construction workers’ rusty shovel, crushing some cheek bones.
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Gossip Girl (Kirsty) loves to hate celebrities and when  she is not linking to celeb-goss stories she is hammering them over the head with the back-end of her mobile phone.
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Joanne Jardine is our chief sports writer. The fitness instructor and all-round action girl knows more about most sports than what one person knows about one sport. Joanne is also a published author.
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Albert MacStein is allegedly the long lost relative of Albert Eintein; although we have no idea why he has the same first name as the genius. Our Einstein is our meme icon with his legendary Facebook philosophy messages. Visit our Facebook page where we regularly update Einstein’s memes >>>

What our columnists say

Aunt Madge:
I help people by telling them not what they want to hear to but what they should be listening to. I bring a new dimension to helping people. Sod self-help; if you cannot look in the mirror and reflect what you are in a truthful manner then don’t expect anything to change about your mundane and self-pitying life.

Political Phil:
People go around this world thinking they have a say in how ballots are run. I am here to quash all that and to tell you that we have leaders who run leaders in this world and I am not sorry to bring you news like this because if it helps to wake you up then I have carried out my work perfectly.

Tam the Bam:
I am a journalist who observes the truth, reports the truth and I do it in a way that I feel news should be reported. I cut through the journalistic jargon and go head-to-head with my news stories. If you don’t like it then you know what to do: go and get fucked!

Dashboard Dougie:
I always hated it when early morning traffic jam radio reporters would dilly-dally around traffic jams so I decided to get in my car and report what I see on the roads. It may not be pretty what I write but if you want a softly-softly approach to a difficult subject then I suggest you stay at home or ride a fucking bike!

Stoker’s Crimes:
I deal with crime the way it should be dealt with. I write my own ticket once I dawn my heavily-buttoned trench coat as I head out into the dark cities where I swiftly deal with the arseholes of the night…and during the day, depends on what shift I am on and let’s face it, there are enough arseholes to deal with 24-hours.

Steffi’s Stars:
People look to the stars for some kind of comfort and that is not what i do. I tell people the truth in what i see is coming their way each month. If the month is going to bring you discomfort, feelings of anxiety and you will find yourself in a whirlwind situation that you cannot cope with; I don’t beat around the bush and say you should brace yourself for some turbulence; I just tell you you are completely fucked and that is the jist of it.

Stephen Hamilton: “Comedy doesn’t really need to be of a very high standard. Just perform it in front of an audience who have a very low self-esteem and even lower confidence level; and who also happen to be cursed with a lot of psychological baggage. They’ll laugh at anything - they have to.”