WEATHER experts have warned most of the country will be completely covered in the Arsenal manager’s big long jacket, causing weeks of darkness, it has emerged. Weather expert Dan Ogilvie Hunter told Dafty News: “We can expect Mr. Wenger’s big long coat to blanket the country around mid-October right through until late November. “We expect […]
The BBC last night announced that they have won a hard-fought bidding war with rival TV companies to secure the rights to screen recorded highlights of Division 2 referees combing their hair in the mirror in the hall before leaving home on match days. A spokesman for The Beeb told reporters: “This is a massive […]
A BIG FAT armchair football fan could smash the current British transfer record after three main subscription channels are thought to be homing in to capture what they believe will be the signing of the season so far. The overweight, much-opinionated, lazy workshy man in his 40s, has spent the last four seasons watching English […]
Newly-defeated mixed martial arts fighter, Conor McGregor, last night roared out a defiant challenge to Tibetan spiritual leader, The Dalai Lama, calling for the 67-year-old Buddhist monk to meet him in a monastery of his choice for a bumper pay day, no-prayer wheels-barred, ‘pray-off’ for the right to be called the devoutest unarmed man on […]
ENGLAND’S women’s football manager Mark Sampson has been dramatically cleared of being a football coach after strong allegations against him were made through the formal complaints department earlier this week that he was indeed a coach. The F.A. have categorically denied the claim. Sampson was also accused of making a series of remarks from the […]
LIVERPOOL F.C. has been accused of raiding Southampton once again in their bid to become England’s number 1 after an audacious bid to sign Southampton Football Club’s tea lady was made last night, it has been reported. The Reds, who look favourites to snatch The Saints’ Dutch centre-half Virgil van Dijk from under the noses […]
Brazilian soccer idol, Neymar, has told French journalists that, following his £200 million move from Spanish giants, Barcelona, to Paris Saint-Germain, he finally feels confident enough financially to take out a full year’s subscription to Amazon’s premier delivery service, Amazon Prime. Speaking on French TV, the diminutive striker, who will reputedly earn £40.7 million per […]
There was widespread condemnation for the owner of Arsenal football club last night following his announcement to the press that, from next season, the club will be staging illegal dog fighting during the half-time interval. Owner, Stan Kroenke, who has already fuelled outrage with his recent plan to introduce an app linked to his TV […]
Despite suffering mechanical issues, Chris Froome managed to recover to lead the Tour de France, retaining the famous yellow jersey and making four deliveries across stage 15. Initially reported as a puncture, Chris actually suffered a broken spoke after leaving his bike chained in front of a Pizza Express. “After the mechanical issue, I thought […]
A 54-YEAR-OLD man was said to be ‘hard as fuck’ after he watched all the trash-talk press conferences involving Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor to promote the up-and-coming ‘fight of the century’ on August 26th. The man, who stayed up late to watch the Toronto and New York conferences which were beamed live across the […]
