U2 FRONTMAN Bono was at the centre of an offshore scandal yesterday after leaked papers reveal the Irishman used an offshore agency to add at least four extra inches to his famous boot heels, it has been revealed. A close aide and inside leak to U2 told Dafty News in an exclusive: “Bono has always […]
Buckingham Palace has announced that Her Majesty, The Queen, will celebrate 70 years of marriage on November 20 by singing the theme song from the popular 1960’s western series, Rawhide, in front of 500 guests at a commemorative platinum wedding bash in Westminster Abbey, where she tied the knot with The Duke of Edinburgh in […]
Transport For London have advised the app-based private hire company, Uber, that if they want their operator’s licence to be restored under review, they must ensure that all their drivers are appallingly ill-equipped to negotiate London’s streets and have a lamentable history of sex offending going back at least 10 years. A TFL spokesman said […]
A 23-year-old woman was recovering in The Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel last night after falling down a manhole in Leman Street while on a first date with a man she described as “my dreamboat” Tracy Dell, a manicurist from Commercial Street, told us: “I had seen this guy on the train to work every […]
People of extremely low intelligence across the nation are already keenly anticipating the retail phenomena known as Black Friday which falls on the 24th of this month. Britain’s dullards and greedy halfwits are gearing themselves up in readiness to start queuing up overnight in freezing temperatures for cut-price electrical goods, which, unbeknown to them, will […]
A MAN in his 40s is the latest victim to step forward after it emerged he suffered post-traumatic stress disorder after watching actor Kevin Spacey in a host of blockbuster films, including a Netflix series, it has been confirmed. The man, thought to be a married father-of-four, spent weeks in a local psychiatric ward after […]
Knowing that she would face stiff competition from her fellow ‘Bake Off’ judges as they vied for best Hallowe’en costume, Prue Leith has ‘gone method’ as a clown by ‘accidentally’ revealing the name of this year’s GBBO winner ahead of tonight’s final. ‘Clearly when you’re up against Paul, Noel, and Sandi, it’s not going to […]
A 47-YEAR-OLD cheating husband received the ultimate punishment yesterday after his suffering wife forced the poor fella to spend a couple of hours with her traipsing through a long-winding IKEA store. It is believed she caught her husband of thirty years messing about with a hot 27-year-old brunette who works at a local 24-hour petrol […]
A man accused of 12 brutal rapes carried out over the past 6 years has told an Old Bailey court that his attacks were just good-natured high jinx and that his victims should have had a bit more of a sense of humour and realised that he was just, “mucking about” Graham Pintel, 45, from […]
A FAT man in his early forties has told workmates he will have a six-pack in time for the festive season, it has emerged. The man, a heavy-drinking, binge-eating, wareheouse worker, boasted to his colleagues he could easily drop the pounds in time for the festivities, despite this being his 17th attempt. He told our […]
