Cancer Horrorscopes for 2016

Love

Before you go searching for that all-elusive perfect love in 2016 let me cut a long story short for you: there is no such thing. If you are male and looking for a female then you should know once the chase is over there really is no point in going on any further. You will waste time and you are actually better off staying single. This should keep you safe because you will only end up getting hurt–again! If you are female and you are looking for a male then you know women hate their men, don’t you? Maybe not at the beginning but years later your man will get under your feet and you will want rid of him at every opportunity. My advice would be to get a cat. They won’t disappoint you.

Life

Life can be charming and fun for some but unfortunately not for cancers. January will bring you so much misery and debt even a life boat won’t be able to save you. February looks like things are getting better but they don’t. March until August will be full of mental activity as you try to catch up on your life and deal with those arseholes around you and the ones around them. It won’t be until Autumn when things finally start to feel you are on a winning streak but that one day in October will be over before you know it. Suffer the winter and enjoy the one day where you can look back and finally say to yourself, “I made it!” That day will be on Christmas Day, 2016. Thereafter, it’s back to being a typical cancer.

Career

I personally don’t see any career change or any kind of prospects for you cancer people so what I would do is just stay low in your minimum wage job because you don’t need to be responsible then. These high-end careers are stress bringers anyway and if you enjoy having heart palpitations every day just to climb the career ladder then you are not a very decent-thinking person, are you? How selfish. Just be happy with what you’ve got and deal with life as it happens.

All about Cancers:

You mean well but you just don’t try enough. In fact, your star sign is the most confusing because you are generous one minute then at a flick of a switch you turn into an inconsiderate little fucker that needs smacked around now and again just to remind you of yourself.

 

 

 

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