Women across the UK are steeling themselves for bouts of brief, and laughably inept sexual intercourse with their partners as British men experience a testosterone surge brought about by barbecuing meat in the garden during the predicted weekend fine spell.
Psychologists attribute the phenomena to the ‘hunter-gatherer’ syndrome, whereby, men who have shown little or no interest in sex for years, or who may even be impotent, becoming briefly sexually rampant after burning a few sausages or incinerating a burger or two.
Dafty News spoke to one woman from Drumchapel in Glasgow who told us: “I absolutely dread these brief warm spells as it means my Bertie will become inflamed and subject me to a laughably inept bout of sexual intercourse. Fortunately, the mercury rarely ever climbs above 10 degrees up here so I don’t have to put up with it that often”
In other news: Controversial media personality, Katie Hopkins, has abandoned her vow to “run naked through London with a sausage up my bottom” if Sadiq Khan wins the London mayoral race, after thousands of people sent her giant salamis through the post.