Brit Families Get Ready For Annual Festive Family Punch-up Day

FAMILIES in Great Britain are gearing up for the annual festive family feud where experts predict a rise in post-turkey punch-ups and fall-outs to be expected on Christmas Day, it has been reported.

It’s all about to kick off on Christmas Day around British households.

A Family Feud spokesperson told Dafty News: “This is the best day of the year for a good old-fashioned traditional family argie-bargie and punch-up.

“This is where children, who are very cute in the morning as they open up their presents, will begin to annoy adults just before The Queen comes on the TV. That’s when it really kicks off.”

According to Family Feud, the organization that specializes in family brawls, the pressure comes to a boiling point after alcohol is consumed — normally just after 10 am.

Our spokesperson warned because 2016 was a dreadful year for celebrity deaths there is a great chance the darkness will set in early on Christmas Day.

Our spokesperson continued: “Normally family brawls begin at 4 pm when it starts to get dark and the excitement wears off. That’s when all the truth comes out and families start tearing into each other.”

It all starts with good intentions until the bad mood surfaces. Then it’s Christmas Carnage.

Family Feud were very kind to offer their Top Ten Family Christmas Brawl Tips and encourage everyone to take part this Christmas Day:

Top Ten Family Christmas Brawl Tips
(How to really enjoy Christmas carnage)

(1) Drink plenty of alcohol. That way you will be able to tolerate all the assholes in your family, for at least a few hours.

(2) Make sure you have double taxi fare money when your time for storming out of the house comes. Taxi drivers are fuckers on Christmas Day for charging extra so make sure you get into his/her cab in a right strop. Ruin their fucking day, too.

(3) Don’t pretend you love your silly pullover your dear old aunt gave you. Tell her the truth. It sucks! It will save you from receiving the same crap next Christmas Day — if she’s still around, that is.

(4) If you have that really annoying brother-in-law coming to your house then get your beating in early. As he arrives with your sister, take his coat off at the front door then give him a right good slap. He’ll soon get the message before dinner is served.

(5) For that cousin or sister-in-law who has an eating disorder; make her eat all the fucking sprouts. Show her what it’s really like to shove awful grub down your throat. It will soon put her off her self-inflicted anxiety.

(6) Have only one television on in the house and let all your family fight over the remote control. Make the fracas more interesting by removing the batteries from the remote control and have them hunt around the house looking for 2x AA batteries. Better still: remove all the batteries from all the children’s toys and games and watch the carnage unfold.

(7) When pouring drinks out, always give the adults extra and be sure to add as little diluted soft drink as you can. You want your guests to be consuming as much %vol alcohol as possible. Take extra care if one of your relatives has a drinking problem — give the bastard straight strong drinks and watch him tremble until his silly party hat drops off.

(8) Play the same Christmas song on loop all day and pogo dance to it. Experts say playing a Cliff Richard song can induce stress levels and increase anger. Perfect for that Christmas Day afternoon.

(9) Everybody has those really annoying neighbours so invite them in. However, to truly get the maximum effect you first need to start a rumour about your neighbour before they mingle with your family members. The fun should begin just after 6 pm.

(10) Start a fire. You can always blame the oven at this time of year. The fire department will understand when they have to scrape up your siblings’ charcoal remains. This should set you free for next year to enjoy a peaceful Christmas.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

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