Buckingham Palace has announced that Scottish soccer high-fliers, Partick Thistle, will take on a star-studded Prince Philip 11 in the grounds of Windsor Castle shortly after Prince Harry and American actress, Meghan Markle tie the knot in April.
It is believed that the all-conquering ‘Jagsâ€™ will field a full-strength side while The Duke of Edinburghâ€™s team will feature, burly, morning TV host, Lorainne Kelly, at the heart of the defence, with Lulu and Des Oâ€™Connor up front as twin strikers.
Prince Philip, who will play in goal, isÂ said to be keenly anticipating the clash and has told friends that heâ€™s “looking forward to giving the bloody Scotch a damn good thrashing”
Jags assistant manager, “Big Roan” Aitchinson, told Dafty News last night: “Ahâ€™m looking forward tae giâ€™ing yon English bastarts a fuckinâ€™ guid heidinâ€™, both oan and aff the pitch so ah am.
“Aye, ahâ€™ve sharpened mah weapons and yon Prince Philip and they other poofs wull be in fae a bliddy guid slashinâ€™ afore the day is done ahmâ€™ thinkinâ€™.
Proceeds from the game will be donated to Eton public school, who will spend the money on iced buns for the tuck shop and hardcore gay erotica for the boys in the lower sixth.