Arsebishop & The Right F*****g Reverend

THE DORKING CHURCH HALL EASTER CALENDAR OF EVENTS

by Arsebishop Danny Soz and The Right F*****g Reverend Gary Hoadley

Dear Parishioners,

The hall has seen many faces come and go during the past year, thank the Lord we managed to persuade The Kim Jong Un Appreciation Society to give up their vigil. The violence was a little over the top, but at least no one was arrested. This Easter we see some new faces using the hall and I hope they will be made as welcome as all our previous residents have been. Please report any abuse of the hall to my wife.

Regards

Rev H. Rancid.

Monday.

6pm to 7pm – The Dorking Crematorium Tap Dancers Club. (Please don’t tip your ash on the floor)

7pm to 8pm Herring Keepers AGM. (No pickling please)

8pm to 9pm The Foreskin Biological Forum. (scalpels will be confiscated)

Tuesday.

2pm to 4pm –  Dorking Anti-Racist workshop. (No Midgets)

4pm to 6pm – Leather Truss Collectors Club. (Modelled by Mrs Trimble)

Wednesday

12pm to 2pm – Pubic Wig Weavers General Meeting. (No messing about in the bushes)

2pm to 6pm – Dorking Sadists Wednesday Club. (Please keep the noise down)

7pm to 10pm – Gay/Lesbian worm diviners. (All welcome. No Trannies)

Thursday.

The hall will be closed to the Parishioners for the Dorking Vicars, Deacons and Vergers orgy (please do not ask for admission on the night, this is an all ticket event)

Friday.

9am to 12pm – Lower Dorking Public Toilet Sitters Club. (No old pennies please)

3pm to 4pm – Box Hill Blind Unicycle Crash and Burn Team. (no smoking)

7pm to 9pm – Dorking Little Bleeders Haemophiliac club (Please bring a pint)

Saturday.

7pm to 10pm – Dorking council estate punch up and disco. (light refreshments, weapons, and hard drugs available at the vicarage)

Sunday.

Hall closed for disinfecting and cleaning.

Please make sure you book your place in the hall for next week. If you fail to turn up you will lose your deposit. I will make an exception for the Dorking Amnesiac Dance Troupe.

Fond Regards

Reverend Harold Rancid (Mrs)

By Danny Soz & Gary Hoadley

 

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