WITH the recent spate of killings carried out by American cops on suspects, the US government are looking into better ways of dealing with criminals.
Hundreds of US police officers recently visited Scottish police unites to learn how they deal with thugs on the streets.
US cop Dwayne Harrison said he was impressed by how the Scottish police force deal with hoodlums and can’t wait to carry out methods learned on his native New Yorkers.
He told our reporters: “We are under some pressure right now because we just point and shoot at any asshole who comes into our dashcam view; so you can imagine our bosses want to adopt ways that can serve the public better without us killing innocent until proven guilty citizens.”
Chuck Davenport, a cop from New Hampshire said: “The Scotch officers don’t fuck about. They don’t even need taser. They just get stuck in and beat the shit out of suspects.”
Bosses at police Scotland said: “The object is not to kill instantly. It’s always best to beat suspects to a pulp. They surrender easier and give better statements when you give them a right good kicking.”
* Thanks to Liam Cunningham for this story idea.