It is estimated that a record one-third of men in Whitechapel were killed this weekend as they decorated the family Christmas tree with fairy lights.
The vast majority were victims of electrocution, although there were a number of reports of men who were killed by tripping over wires and banging their heads on solid objects.
There was also a case involving a man whose wife shot him dead after he insisted on using an elaborate, twinkling sequence that she didn’t approve of.
The woman in question was later released without charge after explaining to police that she was approaching the onset of her menstrual cycle.
In other related news, a 29-year-old woman from Bromley By Bow died from a digestive disorder in hospital on Saturday night after eating the entire contents of her five children’s selection boxes while watching Tom Hardy’s acclaimed portrayal of The Kray Twins in the hit movie, Legend.