Wee Bella, affectionately known locally as “Granny,” is a dear old lady who has been around a long time. Though she has no children of her own, she has a clear view of how she thinks children should be brought up.
‘We shouldnae tell them aw these fairy stories without updating them and making them seem more real. We’re no living in a fairy tale, at least some of us urnie, and so why should we tell stories that our kids cannie relate to? I say prepare them for reality. They’re no daft, they ken when yer telling them a load a’ shite.’
We do love outspoken characters, and so we bring you some of Wee Granny Bella’s bedtime stories, which we think might be suited to the over 18s, rather than the under 10s she tells them to. When Dafty News reporter Keenan Ready suggested this to her, she simply told him, “Away and raffle yersel, ya big softie. We need tae get real. So get real or get knotted.’
To introduce herself to youngsters and to let them know she is in tune with them and speaks their language, Wee Granny Bella has a rap she likes to perform when she meets a new recipient of her modern-twist stories. It goes like this:-
Ma name is Isabella an’ Ah like tae tell a story
Ah say it how it is whether it’s sad or bad or gory
Noo A’ll no kid ye on while yous are sittin’ on ma lap
Reality is pish so get a grip, let’s cut the crap.
Fantasy is shite and tellin’ lies is no the truth
Some might say ma words are rude and others say uncouth
But ye see, the sweet beginnings just become a blur
And they all lived happily ever after never does occur!