Vegan flatulence a serious threat to the ozone layer say scientists

by Danny SoZ

A recent study by The Royal Society has found that gaseous emissions from strict vegans are destroying the ozone layer faster than all the power stations on the planet.

A spokesman for the society told newsmen: “At this rate, vegans will have completely destroyed the ozone layer by this Christmas and, as a result, we’ll all be killed by the Sun’s UV rays.

“Unless these people see sense and start eating a few steaks and some ham sandwiches, life on this planet will be extinct before the next World Cup in Russia.

The Vegan Society hit back at the findings last night: Hermione Dell, the society’s chairperson, told a press conference: “We vegans will never abandon our fight to rid the world of animal cruelty and hotdog consumption. And if that means that all life on the planet is destroyed in the process then it’s a price well worth paying in our view”

Newsmen then hurried from the scene as Ms Dell emitted a series of thunderous, foul-smelling ‘rip-snorters’ as she passed around a plate of Seaweed Twizzlers.



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