by Danny Soz In a controversial move, United States president-elect Donald Trump, has revealed that he plans to build an oil field on the enormous face of British pop icon, Olly Murs.
Trump tweeted last night: “I see Olly Murs’s big face as a tremendous opportunity to make America great again. As an opportunity, it’s tremendous. There can be no doubt as to its complete tremendousness”
A Trump insider told The Whelk: “Mr Trump sees Olly Murs’s big face as a tremendous opportunity to make America great again, and after recent discussions with Mr Putin about profit-sharing, he has decided to go ahead.”
A recent geological survey revealed that there are vast reserves of crude oil in the area around Murs’s gigantic nose and chin, formed during the star’s adolescence.
Drilling will be intensive in these areas and also on Mur’s huge forehead where millions of gallons of moisturiser have been absorbed over time, which geologists believe will provide enough oil to keep a country the size of Scotland in petrol until 2050.
Murs was unavailable for comment last night as his face is currently being used as a temporary car park outside The United Nations building in Geneva, but his mother, Madge, 107, told us: “Olly is absolutely thrilled at the prospects of having his massive face drilled for oil. He’s a big fan of Mr Trump and is eager to lend a hand, or in his case, a face, in making America great again.”
This latest move comes just weeks after British Prime Minister, Theresa May, announced controversial plans to start fracking for shale gas inside pop entrepreneur Simon Cowell’s gigantic trousers.