A recent study by Oxford University has found that 99% of conspiracy theorists are totally convinced that nobody is laughing at them and that people who dismiss them as harmless cockwombles are conspiracy theorists.
We spoke to one prolific conspiracy theorist last night.
Larry Hitchcock, who believes that Prince Philip shot Princess Diana, that the CIA are behind the forthcoming new series of Noddy & Big Ears and that the new version of tinfoil is being deliberately manufactured to allow mind-controlling rays to penetrate its surface, said: “I’m wholly convinced that nobody is laughing up their sleeve at my assertions and anyone who says they are is a conspiracy theorist.
“I’m also wholly convinced, that if you play the theme tune to Eastenders backwards, the FBI will fire a special ray gun at your house that will make your skin burn when you next wear your mum’s dressing gown in front of your laptop”
The remaining 1% who were invited to take part in the survey refused in case it made their blow-up girlfriends pop.
More as we get it.