Sky TV’s latest attempt to kill Ross Kemp ends in failure

Sky TV's latest attempt to kill Ross Kemp ends in failure
by Danny SoZ

Following repeated failed attempts to kill the ex-soap star turned documentary-maker, Ross Kemp, Sky TV have announced that they have shelved any further plans to kill the 45-year-old investigative journalist after he once again emerged unscathed from an edition of Ross Kemp’s Extreme World last weekend.

Sky have been trying to kill Kemp since 2004 when they commissioned him to make the documentary series, Ross Kemp On Gangs, which saw the former Eastenders favourite getting up and close and personal with some of the most murderous street gangsters in the world.

When Kemp emerged unscathed, they sent him to Afghanistan to mingle with crazed Taliban insurgents where he narrowly avoided death during an intense firefight, the closest Sky have come to achieving their goal.

They then redoubled their efforts to kill Kemp by commissioning him to make, Ross Kemp’s Extreme World, in which they sent him to a number of the world’s most notorious trouble spots, including, Syria, Pakistan, Iraq and the crime-ridden favelas of Rio De Janeiro from which Kemp once again emerged unscathed

Sky have now announced that they have no further immediate plans to kill Kemp – who became unpopular with Sky supremo, Rupert Murdoch when the actor announced his support for the Labour Party in 2002 – but they are not completely ruling out further attempts on his life in future.

A spokesman for the company said last night: “We are obviously disappointed that our previous attempts to kill Kemp have not been successful but we remain hopeful that we can achieve our goal at some point in the future.”

Kemp has now signed a 1-year contract with the BBC, despite having previously upset bosses at the Beeb by quitting his role as Grant Mitchell in 2004.

It is understood they have commissioned Kemp to make a travel documentary, ‘An Englishman in North Korea’ in which he will parade around Pyong Yang draped in an American flag, handing out flyers calling Kim Jong-un, a fat fuck.

 

 

 

Comments

comments

About Dafty News 1946 Articles
Parody & Satire News Channel