As parts of Britain bask in glorious sunshine today, Scotland is once again gripped by low clouds, thunderous grey skies, a dip in temperature and an overcast of utterly miserable people.
Weather pattern spokesperson said early this morning: “Scotland want their independence so they better get used to handling things on their own.
If they don’t want to remain with the union then they won’t see the pound, our TV programmes or share our weather. They can go and fuck themselves.”
Temperatures in the UK are set to be on a par, and even hotter, than European holiday hot spots, but Scots will endure rain and a week of complete misery.
Regular Dafty News reader from Scotland, Dougie McCarroll, said: “It’s not fair. England gets everything at this time of year: good weather, a place at the World Cup, Wimbledon and a park gathering of semi-naked women seductively sucking ice lollies.
What do we get? Pissing rain, the Commonwealth games, and Alex Salmond’s pathetic vote-for-me sympathy-looking fat-rounded begging face that looks like a Cabbage Patch lovechild trying to fart silently on a crowded bus.”